Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Let's take a minute to backtrack.
During one of the many "off" times in my on-again off-again relationship with the DJ, I flirted and hung out with my cousin's roommate. Let's just call him Shortness, because well...he's short. Anyway, we had been friends since before my divorce and he's a super cool guy. He even oftentimes played devil's advocate for me and the DJ. Funny how more often than not he was in COMPLETE agreement with me on EVERYTHING, letting me know what a worthless dirt bag the DJ was and that I certainly should NOT put up with his nonsense. Sweet of him yes, but as we all know people generally have their own motives.
Anyway so Shortness and I hung out a bunch during about a 2 month period. It can't exactly be called dating considering the fact that we never went ANYWHERE other than the front freakin room! It was chill though, he was cool to kick it with. Unfortunately Shortness and my cousin ended up having a falling out and my cousin moved to a new apartment with her love muffin. Shortness and I texted a few times after that, but never saw each other again. Other than one or two myspace messages I haven't even heard from the sucka in a year and a half. Until Monday.
Monday I took K1 to the Dr. and then to lunch. At lunch I get a text from, drum roll please...Shortness! Dude...what in the WORLD?! I haven't talked to you in OVER A YEAR! Why the crap are you texting me NOW?! So we talk for about an hour and just catch up. Then after lunch I go to the car wash to have my car washed. Amazing how that works. Anyway, while at the car wash I get a new MMS...its a picture of Shortness without his shirt! And he sends it 3 times! And THEN, because I don't reply, he ASKS ME IF I GOT IT!!! DUUUUUUDE! Come on...really?! What is that crap?
Needless to say...I probably won't be taking him up on his "we should hang out sometime" offer anytime soon. Unless I get SUPER desperate...which, let's face it, I just might! :P
Until next time, much love!

Monday, August 25, 2008

"I Appreciate Your Honesty"

What a week, what a week....
Remember Mr. Too Good To Be True?? Wanna hear the latest?
TGTBT is in Minneapolis at the moment. He had to go out there for 3 1/2 weeks for work. I dropped him at the airport last Sunday and have missed him like mad from the moment I drove away. We had been in pretty much constant contact...until Friday that is. Ready for the story...can you HANDLE it???
You probably remember "the other chick" from my last post...let's call her KKK. Why you ask? I have no clue other than the fact that her name starts with a K and she's pretty much the devil :). So she and TGTBT are good friends, they were even dating for awhile...nothing serious despite her best efforts. TGTBT remained friends with her, but had agreed not to mess about with her anymore once he and I started seeing each other. Mind you we certainly were not exclusive and he had every right to still spend time with her, but as I said...we had an agreement of sorts.
Friday I hop online to check my Facebook...yes I truly am a huge nerd...and I get an IM from KKK that says "Hey can I ask you a question?" Well certainly you just did sweetheart! Being the kind and lovely being that I am though, I answered simply "Of course". She asks if TGTBT and I are "involved" to which I reply that yes we are, we are not exclusive but we are most certainly "involved". She then proceeds to tell me that SHE and TGTBT are involved. That they, in fact, messed about just a few days before he left which was most definitely AFTER he and I had made our agreement! She gave me all sorts of fun and exciting details about their many romps together, most of which I really could have gone my entire life without knowing.
I tried to call TGTBT but to no avail. Finally that evening he returned my call and I confronted him on KKK's allegations. Sad days for me, he came clean and told me that while most of what she said was complete rubbish parts of it were fact rather than fiction. He was immensely apologetic and assured me that it would never happen again. I was immensely HURT and told him he quite obviously needed to take a time out and figure out what he wanted. Can you imagine what else I said to him? Maybe that he was a lying sack of crap? That I loathed him and never wanted to see his stupid handsome face again? That he was a complete creep and that I hoped he would die a slow and painful death brought on by the HIV he more than likely contracted from the evil succubus?!?!
Nope! My genius response..."I appreciate your honesty". Are you KIDDING me?!? That's the best I could do?!? He just told me that he slept with another girl and all I could say was "I appreciate your honesty"?!? I'm a real tiger aren't I? But really, what else COULD I say? Technically he didn't even do anything wrong. We weren't exclusive. However, we DID have an agreement, which he did not honor and THAT is NOT cool!
Anyway...Saturday night I went out to dinner with the DJ. I figured nothing cures a broken heart better than a date with another man who loves you madly right? Wrong! Dinner was great, we doubled with the Nug and her husband so it was actually a lot of fun. Then we went back to my place to watch a flick. The hubster had a pretty wicked migraine so they ended up bailing about halfway through the film. After that it was intensely awkward. It just felt wrong. Rather than helping me to feel better and regain what little pride I possibly could, I walked away feeling even worse about the whole situation and missing TGTBT even more.
I did talk to him yesterday and we're good now...we'll remain friends and play everything else by ear. But ladies do me a favor...the next time your man leaves the toilet seat up or tosses his filthy gym socks on the floor rather than walking the 2 feet to put them in the bloody hamper, give him a kiss and let him know how happy you are to have him in your life because trust me it could always be a lot worse!
Until next time, much love!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Stupid Boys Anyway that we're up to date on all THAT junk we can start talking about NOW NOW NOW!
Ever since JGG (Jolly Green Giant of course!) and I stopped seeing each other 2 months ago, I've just been doing the mommy thang and not worrying too much about the never-ending search for love. I just don't have the time or energy to devote to looking for my "soul mate". And lets be honest life is pretty darn good just the way it is thank you very much! I've never understood the Noah's Ark concept of needing the other half to your "pair". Is life easier when you have someone to battle through it with? Of course! But am I going to feel as if my life is meaningless and hop along home to slice my wrists if I never do find love again? HELL NO! I have a stressful, chaotic, insane life and I LOVE IT! I even wonder if I could put up with someone coming in and messing with our routine...our lives. I suppose we'll just cross that bridge if and when we ever reach it.
Here's the shizzy part...K1 is OBSESSED with marrying me off again and getting me knocked up! He asks everyday why I don't have a boyfriend and when I ask him why he wants mommy to have a boyfriend he tells me it's because he wants a brother. Sheesh little man...kick back! Silly boy! It's hard to convince your children that it's not as simple as scampering over to the market and picking out a new model, but whatev.
So...we were getting along just fine when out of NOWHERE a blast from the past arrived via Facebook! So my blast from the past and I have been talking through Facebook and text for a few weeks now and finally spent the day together last Sunday. We went up to SLC to help first his friends, and then my cousin move. It was a LONG, HOT day but it was honestly nothing short of SPECTACULAR! We had SO much fun all day! We've spent every other night together this week and it pretty much rocks! He rocks! I rock! We rock together! It's pretty cool!
Ready for the new shizzy part?? He just got divorced 6 months ago and apparently isn't looking for anything serious. No biggie right? I can handle that...HA HA not so much! I can't BELIEVE how jealous I get when he hangs out with icky girl (his other "friend") who, truth be told, seems like a pretty nice chick. I'm allowed to hate her on principle though right? Lame lame lame...I'm a grown woman, I'm a mother of 2, I'm NOT supposed to be this spun over a man! What is WRONG with me?!? I adore him...I truly do. He's beyond amazing! AND he's a daddy (2 boys, ages 3 and 1) so he gets the whole parent thing. He didn't wig when, 2 nights in a row, one of my kids got up in the middle of the night and came out to say hello. Not to mention, the first night it was K2 who woke up with a bloody nose so bad (she'd been sick) that she was literally COVERED in blood and freaking out. He was super calm and just spoke soothingly to her while I cleaned the yuck up. First thing she did when she woke up the next morning was to come and ask me where my friend was ha ha! Awww, he's perfect!
Stupid boys anyway!
Until next time, much love!

Peas Anyone?

After YB I decided to take a break from the dating world, it really was as ugly out there as I had been warned. My break lasted around 6 months, until my personal Greek God broke up with his perfect-on-the-outside-train-wreck-on-the-inside girlfriend. My Adonis and I had been friends for about a year and a half, but never more than that because he was already taken. After he broke up with the GF, however, he needed a shoulder to cry on. Can you guess who was there and happy to oblige?
So Greek God and I began spending time together, generally late at night after the kids were already in bed. It was a casual, friendly relationship void of labels. We were good friends which made our encounters easy and stress-free. I was in Heaven. I couldn't believe that this 6'11" perfect specimen of a man could possibly want me, but want me he did. It all seemed too good to be true which, naturally, it turned out to be.
After receiving some wretched news and the loss of his $400,000 a year job (which was ultimate ego deflation for him) all in a matter of days he took a dive off the board and went off the deep end. He apparently decided it would be a laugh to get loaded on cocaine and heroine all day and then try to shoot himself with a shotgun. He never even called me, but fortunately he did call someone else who was able to contact the authorities and, ultimately, save his life. After that GG & I were never the same. Though I felt terrible for the things he was going through and was still there for him as a friend, I realized that I didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with it all. Not to mention, as harsh as it may sound, couldn't risk having someone that unstable around my precious cargo, my children.
GG and I are still fact, we're better friends now than we ever were before. He still gets a wild hair up his rear once in a while and sends me a text asking for nookie, but other than that I adore the guy. One good thing that came from his complete mental breakdown...I no longer see him as a Greek God, I see him more as.....the Jolly Green Giant. Love that sucka!

Until next time, much love!

Robbing The Cradle Betches!

Dating a younger's a right of passage. We all make this mistake at least once right? Enter Young Buck...
After all of the drama with the DJ, I'll admit my fragile ego was just a bit bruised. I was feeling less than my sexy self and really just not diggin my dating life. Then the YB came along. I had actually known him for years, have been friends with his sisters since junior high school but hadn't actually seen him since those awkward pre-pubescent times every young man goes through. During those missing years he had GROWN UP! He was now a man...a tall, handsome intense man who just radiated sex appeal. Due to the fact that I was good friends with his sister I held back and just chilled with him as friends...for awhile. He was persistent, attentive and already had a great relationship with my kids as "Uncle YB". And I was lonely. Game ON!
YB and I spent quite a bit of time together over the next few months. My kids loved him, and still do for that matter. It was complicated keeping it from his sisters (one who was particularly fierce about who her brother dated) but we managed. It was actually quite nice dating someone I didn't have to hide from my kids. It was just a matter of watching our Ps & Qs while they were in the room, which truth be told was not an easy task.
The 4 year age gap, while weird, really didn't even seem to phase us. We enjoyed each others company and always had a good time when we were together. Until the day my friend Autumn got a text message...
I was at work one day when I got a text message forward from Autumn, subject line "Isn't this YOUR YB?" I opened the text and it was a picture of YB. I replied simply "Yes, wtf?" She proceeded to explain to me that her friend had a friend named YB that was looking to be hooked YB, looking to be hooked up with another girl. Obviously Autumn told him to go straight to Hell but not until after I had a good cry over it.
So long YB...
Until next time, much love!

Play That Funky Music White Boy

Oooooh...the DJ!!
Many many moons ago there was a young 18 year old girl who fell in love with a somewhat goofy but disgustingly sweet blond boy. They dated for about a year before our super hot chickee decided he was just a little too sensitive and boring and decided to break loose and PARTAAAY. The crazy gorgeous girl remained friends with her sweet yet nerdy boy until she married a rockstar 2 years later, at which point the nice guy was left behind.
Many years passed and our story continues...

After my divorce I started hanging out with the DJ again. We dated on and off for about a year and it was nothing but drama! You see...the DJ was still LIVING with his BABY MAMA the whole time! They were "just roommates" and he would move out every time I put my foot down, until we would break up YET AGAIN after which he would go running back to her. Does that sound like just roommates to you?! Sheesh!
So...for a little over a year, I put up with this nonsense. I dealt with his crazy jealous BM calling at all hours of the night and giving him A CURFEW (I kid you not)!! I was constantly blown off for her...plans canceled because BM needed something or because they had a family function to go to. ROOMMATES?!? Are you serious?!
So why did I put up with it for so long you may ask? Because divorce does funny things to you. It makes you insecure, vulnerable. You lose sight of what is and is not acceptable behavior. You think that if you just love him enough, he'll come around. And with the DJ I thought that because I was the one who broke his heart and "ruined him", I could put the pieces back together again and "fix him". I had finally reached an age and a point in my life where I was ready for the wonderful, kind, caring and generous man I had given up in my younger (translation: stupider) years. Unfortunately that man no longer existed.
The DJ and I still keep in touch. We get together every few months to play catch up. In fact he just sent me these texts last night....

1:54 am - T L i really have been missing you and have been dying to see you. I hope you are happy kiddo. Wish you had the same desire.
2:02 am - Regardless be happy. I wish we were closer. If it's not possible i will understand. Anyway i love you.

Sweet right? Too bad THAT ship has already sailed lover boy.
Until next time, much love!

The Ex Factor

Wanna hear a little about the ex? You know you do!!
The Little Drummer Boy (from this point on, referred to as LDB) and I were introduced through some mutual friends. I had a good friend at work who had recently gotten engaged and therefore wanted the rest of the universe to join in the game. We went to a movie on a double date with them...and the rest is history. After that first date we were pretty much inseparable. We were together every night from the moment I got off work. We dated for only 4 months before we got engaged, and were married a month later.
He hit me for the first time on our honeymoon. Talk about a wake up call! Unfortunately, I was too proud to accept defeat. I was determined to make it work. I absolutely refused to admit that I had failed in achieving the perfect marriage I always thought I would have. Instead, I plastered a large smile on my face, wore long sleeved shirts in August and went about my business.
When Kid 1 was 3 (Kid 2 being 6 months at this point) he witnessed daddy hitting mommy. That was when I knew I had to leave. It would be on MY head if Kid 1 grew up thinking it was ok to hit women or if Kid 2 grew up thinking it was ok for a man to hit her. I could NOT let that happen. I hired a lawyer the next day. Within 3 months the divorce was final.
LDB and I have since been able to repair a lot of the damage that was done during our marriage. We have formed an odd sort of friendship for the sake of the munchkins. Although he still completely infuriates me, especially when it comes to the measly child support payment he still-3 years later-has NEVER sent, but for the most part we're able to put our own issues aside and be civil. He's not a bad person, we simply were a bad match. We brought out the worst in each other and I just thank Heaven everyday I was finally able to admit that to myself and get out before any irreparable damage was done.
Until next time, much love!

What's A Girl To Do But Start A Blog?

As a single mom of 2 who has had to re-enter the dating world, I've come to realize just how messy dating with kids can be.
First, of course, there is mess in the very literal sense of the word. Finding a smear of jelly on your "hotness" jeans 5 minutes before go-time, forcing you to frantically search your closet for something, ANYTHING else that could possibly be passable. Realizing 20 minutes through dinner that you've had chocolate on your cheek from the sloppy kiss your 3 year old gave you before you walked out the door. The overwhelming and never-ending buckets of toys that always seem to find their way out to the living room and spilled all over the floor just before the sitter arrives, followed immediately by the new date. The cancellation of dates in order to spend the night at home with a vomiting child. You get the idea.
Then, there's the messier mess. Believe it or not, it is no simple task to keep your dating life and your mommy life separate. Almost like a strategic game of chess, you have to time drop-offs, pick-ups and sitter-arrivals as carefully as a nuclear launch whilst never forgetting to figure in those precious extra seconds for one more kiss or hug from the true loves of your life, your bebes.
I've also found, to my utter astonishment, that men actually want to meet the munchkins. Whether it's to try and sway them over to "Team ___" or to impress you with the magical touch they have with children, I do not know. What I do know is that it makes me completely insane! As a single mother it is part of my job description to protect me children from any and all pain I possibly can. I am not about to allow my children to get attached to someone before I'm sure about him myself. I am thoroughly amazed at how often men actually get offended by this teensy weensy dating rule or mine!
And then there's the constant battle for attention, and not just from the kids. I'm a busy person. I work full time, go to school full time and raise two kids on my own. Needless to say I don't have a whole heck of a lot of spare time which, to some "boyfriends (ew, I really HATE that word) translates to "I do not care about you. I do not care to see you. And I do not care to make you a priority." What do I say to that? Suck it up or move along cowboy!
So with all of this junk floating about in the mind of someone whose head already works overtime as it is, what's a girl to do but start a blog? This blog is strictly for entertainment purposes. There will be some fun stories and there will be some extremely expressive rants. Whether you enjoy reading it or not, I really couldn't care less because I'm sure I will enjoy writing it. And isn't that what it's all about...ME?!? ;)
Until next time, much love!