Saturday, August 16, 2008

The Ex Factor

Wanna hear a little about the ex? You know you do!!
The Little Drummer Boy (from this point on, referred to as LDB) and I were introduced through some mutual friends. I had a good friend at work who had recently gotten engaged and therefore wanted the rest of the universe to join in the game. We went to a movie on a double date with them...and the rest is history. After that first date we were pretty much inseparable. We were together every night from the moment I got off work. We dated for only 4 months before we got engaged, and were married a month later.
He hit me for the first time on our honeymoon. Talk about a wake up call! Unfortunately, I was too proud to accept defeat. I was determined to make it work. I absolutely refused to admit that I had failed in achieving the perfect marriage I always thought I would have. Instead, I plastered a large smile on my face, wore long sleeved shirts in August and went about my business.
When Kid 1 was 3 (Kid 2 being 6 months at this point) he witnessed daddy hitting mommy. That was when I knew I had to leave. It would be on MY head if Kid 1 grew up thinking it was ok to hit women or if Kid 2 grew up thinking it was ok for a man to hit her. I could NOT let that happen. I hired a lawyer the next day. Within 3 months the divorce was final.
LDB and I have since been able to repair a lot of the damage that was done during our marriage. We have formed an odd sort of friendship for the sake of the munchkins. Although he still completely infuriates me, especially when it comes to the measly child support payment he still-3 years later-has NEVER sent, but for the most part we're able to put our own issues aside and be civil. He's not a bad person, we simply were a bad match. We brought out the worst in each other and I just thank Heaven everyday I was finally able to admit that to myself and get out before any irreparable damage was done.
Until next time, much love!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Honey, I don't think so..."we brought out the worst in each other" implies you think it was your fault...which it wasn't--you did not cause him to hit you--he would have hit anyone he was married to, it was not because you were a 'bad match' or because you brought that out in him, though it's true that he's not a bad person (as much as I'd like to say "He's a jerk," I know we're all children of a Most High--thank you David Burns). Have you enjoyed the benefits of therapy yet? Please do or read up on battered person's syndrome, codependency, the wheel of power or the domestic abuser lists of characteristics, and bipolar disorder (most domestic abusers are bipolar, living undiagnosed among us--read Stop Walking on Eggshells, hey, you have to deal with him for at least 14 more years!) so you never end up with someone like that was HIS many women go from one abusive relationship to another...perhaps they leave a physically abusive one only to get into an emotionally abusive one...or they leave an alcohol addict only to end up with a porn addict, unbeknownst to them. I finally left my emotionally and verbally abusive husband 1 year ago when my son was 2, my daughter 8 months and they had witnessed him yelling at me and calling me names and then he turned his name-calling on our son, too...thus the divorce continues, but my life is true bliss away from him and it's especially lovely now that I've studied all these issues and applied the learning to my life...I haven't read any other posts on your blog so maybe you have reaped the benefits of therapy, but if not and if you live in Utah, Joanne at LDS social services in Sandy is gloriously helpful!