Wednesday, August 4, 2010


So my very first boyfriend, my high school sweetheart, contacted me on facebook a few weeks ago. He sent a simple "it's been forever, what is your life like now" email. We exchanged a few messages on facebook, and have now moved on to personal emails. I've given him a full life update, as well as the current pictures of my family, kids, etc. that he requested. He responded with an update of his own and current pictures of his family, kids, etc.
We've now moved on from the updates, and onto "us". He's currently stationed in Afghanistan, with limited access to his old photos etc. but I sent him copies of the pictures I still have, and he plans on scanning in copies of what he has when he gets home. We both got a pretty good chuckle over our old were we YOUNG!
Well, about a week ago, he sent me a rather personal email. He told me all about the downward spiral of depression he went into after we broke up. Told me the things he always had, and always will, miss about me. Asked me what it was that led to our break-up, and what did I do after we split. I responded with a very personal email of my own, and after sending it realized...this could be completely inappropriate.
For me, this has been all about finally getting the closure we were too young to give each other 13 years ago. It was catching up with my old best friend, and re-living memories from another lifetime. For him I think it's been simply a nice distraction from the war he is in the middle of. I didn't think twice about answering his questions, and discussing our past together. But I'm not married...he is. I have to wonder how I would feel if I were married and my husband was having conversations like that with his ex fiance.
We've never crossed any true lines, and we've never steered the conversation into "us" in the present day or anything like that. But still... He lives in Georgia, is stationed in Afghanistan for the next 5 months or so, and I will never see him it seems pretty harmless. We don't flirt, it's not like that. What does concern me, however, is the emotional attachment we still seem to have. We were each others first love. We were together for 2 1/2 years at such a very young age. We lived together, we were engaged, we had a LIFE together. That kind of connection doesn't just go away.
He's contacted me 2 other times throughout the years...once through myspace about 3 years ago, and once through facebook about a year ago. It was always just a 2 or 3 paragraph "hello", and my response was always the same...and it stopped at that. This time is different. Maybe BECAUSE he is at war, and desperately needs something else to focus on, even if just for 5 minutes.
We've known each other since we were itty bitty, and I hope that we can find a way to wade through all of this and find our way back to the friendship we shared before we ever even dated. I care about him very much, and I always will. I would love to be able to keep in touch with him, and hopefully now that we've aired out all of our dirty laundry we'll be able to do that without crossing the line into anything more than old friends who wish each other well.

Until next time, much love!

1 comment:

Meredith said...

wow, so cool! social networking is a wonder isn't it.? good luck keeping your mind occupied :)