I Pretty Much Suck

Good Heavens I'm a crappy blogger! The truth is...my dating life has been pretty much non-existent this semester, and I get the feeling it will remain that way for the next little bit as my classes seem to be getting harder and harder. Who would have guessed, right? ;)
I did go out on a blind date a couple weeks ago with my friend's husband's co-worker, but truly...the date was SO lame that it doesn't even warrant a blog post! He spent half the time droning on and on about his superior sales techniques and the other half being rude to the wait staff. Is it just me or is that one of the biggest turn-offs in the history of dating?? Oh and I DID spend the last 3 months lusting after my ridiculously hot law professor which kept me rather entertained for 2 1/2 hours each week. Somehow even contract law became fascinating when it was THE Professor doing the lecturing.
I have, however, decided to take a bit of a break from dating. That being said...I certainly wouldn't turn away from any exciting adventures with the opposite sex, but I simply don't have the time to spend looking for options. Sooo I guess my question is this...do I abandon the blog altogether, force you all to wait in anticipation for months between posts (as I so cruelly do now), or do I convert this blog into more of a rambling of random thoughts?? Oh the decisions...
Until next time, much love!
~T

The Long Awaited Update!!

So I know you've all been on the edge of your seats for WEEKS now, obsessively checking this blog, praying and hoping EVERYDAY, thinking that "today will be the day" that T will FINALLY grace us with an update. Weeeeeeell, today is your lucky day cyber friends, for today I will finish the story of "The Artist"!!
Things with the artist started out magically, but quickly (OH SO VERY QUICKLY) turned, quite literally, insane! From the very first night that he got back to Utah it was bi-polar central. I spoke to him on the phone while he was waiting to board his plane. Life was grand, he was excited to get home, and we had plans for him to come straight to my place for a late dinner. I waited...and I waited...and I waited. He never showed up. He never called. He never even texted.
The next day was filled with apologies and "I can't wait to see you"s. Yet, he blew me off again...claiming he had promised to help his dad with some yard work. Tell me cyber friends, does yard work really ever take 9+ hours? Apparently it does if you're the artist.
Finally the following evening he graced me with his presence. My cousin watched the kidlettes while I went down to see him for the first time in over ten years. The second we actually saw each other everything else just vanished. The world stopped spinning, and life was exactly how it should be. That feeling didn't last long.
Things were fine the next day. He came with us to my work party, and everyone thought he was wonderful.
Things were fine for awhile, except that he would blow me off at least once a week. Then one evening we had agreed to go to dinner with my best friend, Nug, and her hubster. On my way down to meet him at his house he texted and told me he wasn't feeling well. Ok, sure, if this was the first offense I would have just given him the benefit of the doubt, but unfortunately it was not. I certainly didn't rant or rave at him...I simply kept the dinner plans with Nug and her husband. We went to dinner, did a little shopping, and then just hung out at their place until around 1 a.m. I wasn't about to waste a kidless night after all.
Anyway...he absolutely FLIPPED when he found out that I didn't cancel my plans and sit around at home moping. Told me I was heartless, and that I obviously didn't give two sh*ts about him if I wasn't concerned that he was sick. Blah blah blah...he ended up deleting me and my whole family (who he's known for 30 years) from his facebook. Really artist? REALLY?!?!
A couple weeks go by and he's texting and calling, apologizing for his immature behavior etc. I decide to give him another chance. Again...things are going great. He spends July 4th with my family, including Nug and the hub. He adds us all back to his sacred list of friends. Things are absolutely lovely until about 2 weeks after the holiday...until Nug and I start talking about Bahamas plans.
See...Nug and her hub got married at city hall with just her mother and me to witness. They've had an absolutely insane roller coaster marriage, spending more time separated than together, and they've somehow made it through. They want to renew their vows on the beach in the Bahamas with her mother and myself there to witness once again. I, naturally, agreed to go with them. And I agreed to this before the artist ever even entered the picture. The artist, again, throws a little tantrum. I tell him that he's more than welcome to come with us, but that I absolutely will not under any circumstances cancel my plans if he's unable to make the trip. This, apparently, is not ok with him.
He lets the subject drop for the evening, and then refuses to answer my calls and/or texts for about a week...and then changes his relationship status on facebook to "single". Wow, right? THAT is how he's going to break things off? By simply changing his relationship status? Whatever...I really just don't have time for the games. So I ignore it. And I move on. He starts texting and emailing again a couple weeks later, but I was done by that point. I was done with the drama and the bullsh*t. Again...we're all removed from that sacred list of friends. And then the son of a gun AMBUSHES me at my parents house!!!
I go over to my parents house the second weekend in August and there sits the artist, hanging out with the folks. UGH! I basically just ignore him and go about my business, but when he gets up to leave he asks if he can speak with me privately. We step outside and he starts in with the apologies and nonsense again. I eventually agree that we can spend some time together, but that we were IN NO WAY "back together". I let him know that he was on probation, and that one more screw up, one more episode of blowing me off, and he was done. He comes over to help me hang up some artwork in the new place, and makes plans to come back up a few days later for my brother (supposedly his best friend)'s birthday dinner. He never shows up. He never calls. He never texts. He doesn't answer my calls. He doesn't respond to my texts. He emails me through facebook later that evening saying that it was nobody's fault, that he wasn't able to get a car, etc. etc. etc. And THEN he requests to be linked as "in a relationship" with me. Wow...ummmm deny.
He tries emailing and texting, but I just don't have it in me to even respond. I'm so far past it all. He eventually sends some nasty emails, getting pissed that I'm ignoring him. Again...I ignore them. He hasn't stopped...I got another email from him just yesterday. Again...no response.
Anyway...the whole crazy experience with the artist was good for one thing, and one thing only...it helped me to really grow as a person and quit blaming myself for everything. With TGTBT my world was rocked more than I ever could have admitted to anyone, including myself. I spent endless hours trying to figure out what was wrong with ME, why I was somehow unlovable. With the artist...I never once doubted myself. I never once asked myself what I did wrong, what was wrong with ME. I realized that his issues were just that...HIS issues, not mine. And THAT, my friends, was HUGE for me.
Until next time, much love!
~T

:(

My sweet, darling cousin R lost his newlywed wife on Sunday in a tragic accident. They had been married a mere 6 months and were so very much in love. She was a beautiful girl that brought him more joy than he had ever known. They had just purchased their first home together. She was to be 20 years old on October 4th.
This tragedy has devastated our entire family, but obviously it has crushed R. He blames himself, and he wants his wife back. The poor boy is a widower at the age of 24.
Why am I telling you this? I guess my question is this...is it worth it? Some of you may think I'm jaded...and truly, I am...I admit it. But to see the pain he is in...I just can't fathom it. The old question remains...is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved at all?
Of course it is worth it though...she was the light of his life, if only for a short time. She brought him happiness, she brought him a true, undying love. Does that love simply go away now that she has passed? No, he will carry it with him forever more. He will hurt for a long while, but eventually the pain will ease. He will most likely move on, get remarried some day, have a family...but he will never forget his sweet Molly and the beautiful year they shared.
I'm honestly not sure why I'm posting this, other than to put it out there. To remind everyone how fragile life is, and how quickly it can be taken away. Let your loved ones know how much they mean to you. Don't assume that they already know...they probably DO already know, but if tragedy were to strike in your family wouldn't you want to know that you had let that loved one know just how much you cared?
R.I.P Molly girl, you were truly loved!
I promise to give an update on The Artist soon...
Until next time, much love!
~T

Long Time No Post

And you're still getting nothing ha ha!
I know an update is looooooong overdue, but I honestly just haven't had the heart for this blog lately. I am still alive though so don't give up on me.
In the meantime, a little video that touched my heart when I saw it on another blog. LOOOOOOOOVE my crazy "cult" and the way my heart feels free when I remember where I came from and where I'm going. I don't have to go to church weekly to know that God loves me and has a plan for me. It's only when I forget that (which, honestly, I have lately) that life seems impossible.



Until next time, much love!
~T

Is This Even Reality??

Wanna hear a story? You know you do!
When I was a little girl I absolutely idolized my older brother and his friends. They were all 5 years older than me, and the epitome of cool. I grew up with an older sister (4 years my senior) who loathed me from the day I was born, but my brother and his friends were always kind to me. They treated me like I mattered, and at the age of 5 that makes a lasting impression.
Some of the greatest memories of my childhood are going with my brother and his friends to the Boy's Club. We would walk over there and spend the entire day drinking soda out of glass bottles, munching on moon pies, and playing pool and arcade games. They never acted as if I was a burden. They never treated me as a tag-a-long. Instead, they made an effort to invite me to go with them everyday and to include me in their adventures. I was on top of the world! How many other girls my age got to hang out with 4 super cool older boys everyday?
My brother's best friend was the love of my life. At the age of 5 I was already completely smitten with him. I wanted nothing more than to marry him on the black top and hold his hand. He was perfection. And he could moonwalk.
We moved away when I was 6, but moved back to the old neighborhood when I was 11. At 15 I thought my chance had come when he finally kissed me. I thought, for sure, this was it...he finally loved me back. Sadly, at that tender age I failed to realize that a grown man could never have a relationship with a minor and live to tell the tale. I was left brokenhearted, and didn't see my moonwalking prince again for 3 years when I saw him walking down State Street and pulled over to give him a lift. Again, I thought...maybe NOW is our time. Alas, I dropped him off and never saw or spoke to him again.
Until the wonders of facebook.com brought him back to me. Oh Heavens, I'm getting BEYOND cheesy with this one!!!
Anyway...I wake up on Tuesday, May 9 to a friend request blinking at me from my blackberry. Friend request from who you ask??? From JRH (who from this point on will be known as "The Artist" because, well, that's what he is) of course! WOW! Talk about a blast from the past! I hadn't thought of him in years. It had been nearly 10 years since the last time I saw him. I immediately accepted his request and posted a friendly "wow it's been forever, how have you been, blah blah blah" on his wall. A few hours later I get a text from him and the rest is, as we say, history. Well, maybe... You'll just have to stay tuned to find out.
Until next time, much love!
~T

Google Stalker

Oh my, it's only been a month since my last post...go me! :)
Sooo...how old am I? My 10 year high school reunion is this Friday, and I am not going. Why you ask? Well a)because I totally suck at planning, and by the time I realized that certain things could be shifted it was too late to buy my ticket. Sadness huh? And b)because of the...GOOGLE STALKER. Totally creeptastic story for you, my 4 lucky blog readers!

So I'm plucking along at work one day when I get a gtalk request from someone I don't know. Well, I figured if they had my personal email address they must be someone I know so I accepted the request and asked simply "Do I know you?" Oh goodness did I open up a can of worms!
He proceeded to tell me that we went to high school together and that he found my profile on MSN and thought he would re-connect. He said that my MSN profile listed my gmail address as an alternate email. Well, the problem with that is that I don't HAVE an MSN profile...I have a private profile attached to my hotmail account, but even that only my network can see. Oh AND it does not have my gmail address attached to it AT ALL. Soooo, after some cyberstalking of myself, I found that the only way he could have found my email address would be through either facebook or my high school class website.
Anyway...while I'm trying to figure out who he is he goes on to tell me that he always had a bit of a crush on me etc and was wondering if I would be interested in a "discreet encounter". Eeeew much? Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass. I let him know that I thought he was a vile human being and that he should try ashleymadison.com. Then I logged off.
I then ask my IT guys if there's a way they can track down his IP address etc. so that I can find out if it was one of my friends just busting my chops. They tell me that of course they can't track it from an IM, but that if I can get him to send me an actual email they can track it and at least find out what state he is in. I sent the creep an email in an attempt to get him to respond. Success! He responded immediately. Bad news?? His IP address is BLOCKED. Honestly, I don't think many people even know HOW to block their IP address so that's a little sketchy.
Anyway...after admitting defeat I use the beautiful "block" feature on gtalk. Since this episode in early May I have received chat requests from 4 different email addresses...always vague of course. It's now been 2 weeks since the last attempt, however, so maybe he's given up on his little perverted quest??? Here's hopin'!
Until next time, much love!
~T