K1: "Mom, did you hear that?! They said 'Apollo'! That skater guy is a God!!"

Me; "Yes baby, he suuuure is" *swoon*

Am I Crazy? Quite Possibly...

I've been speaking to The Artist again. He will be home in about two months and would like to "hang out".
We've spoken via email, IM, text, and phone...re-hashing everything that went down between us. He explained a lot of his behavior and apologized profusely for not treating me the way I deserve to be treated. But still...how am I to trust that this time will be any different? I've heard it all before.
He moves WAY too quickly for my liking as well. We've had a total of ONE phone conversation. Granted it was a 5 hour conversation, but it was only ONE conversation. We've texted, emailed, IM'd, etc. quite a bit as well, but I certainly wouldn't say we're in anyway "back together". Hell...I haven't even decided if I want to "hang out" when he gets home! He, however, has already changed his relationship status on fbook to "in a relationship". In a relationship? Really?! With who? Who, whom? Whatever. I just don't get it. He says it's simply to show me that whatever I decide he is "all in", but it kinda weirds me out.
Until next time, much love!
~T

What a GREAT Day!

My Dippidee order came today, and they threw in a special surprise treat JUST FOR ME!!!



How jealous are you?! Yummm!!

Also, a friend of mine recently started doing eyelash extensions and needed some guinea pigs to practice on. I, of course, volunteered myself. I've been wanting to try them for awhile, but could not justify spending $200 to have them done so this was perfect! Had them done last night, and I LOVE them! No more mascara for this girl hooray! I'm super lazy when it comes to hair and makeup so ANYTHING that can shave a few minutes off the morning routine is great.

Pardon the dark circles and bags under my eyes...I'm a student for Heaven's sake. ;)
Getting super excited to take K1 to see Percy Jackson tonight! In fact...I think I'm more excited than he is!
AND...my super awesome mom, and my super spectacular daughter brought me lunch today! Could this day be any better?! Could I be any luckier?! No...no I could not. :D
Until next time, much love!
~T

Enough Whining

So sorry to have gotten all Negative Nancy on you guys lately. Just needed to vent anonymously for a bit, and now I can move on to happier things yay!
Is it weird that even though this will be my 5th Valentines Day being single I still absolutely loooooove it? I think it's because I have kiddos, and really...EVERYTHING is funner with munchkins!
Picked up these sweet little treasures



from red4short, bought a couple super cute and cuddly Vday bears and candy packs from WalMart, and ordered some yummy Vday treat baskets from Dippidee for the kids. I'm not gonna lie, I'll probably eat half of their treats myself, but it's the thought that counts right? ;)
There was a party for the kids on campus on Monday, and my mom was cool enough to bring the kids over to meet me there after class. They got to decorate some cookies, and they made me the sweetest valentines.
Saturday K1 will be with his grandparents and K2 will be with her dad so A and I are going to Texas Roadhouse together since her husband couldn't make it home.
Sunday will be spent doing taxes for my brother, my other brother and his wife, my parents, and LDB. I should really start charging for my services ha ha!
Monday Monday Monday is a BLESSED holiday! I <3 you Washington and Lincoln for giving me a day free from school AND work! I'll probably take the kids to see The Tooth Fairy since K2 has been wanting to see it.
Random quote from K2:
"I love you lots mommy, even though you sing bad"
It's true...I can't carry a tune to save my life!
Random quote from K1:
"Mom, playing Wii without you is like living in a world with no Sun"
Ha ha ha ha! He sure knows how to work his mama, doesn't he?

Until next time, much love!
~T

Time for a Rant Part II

After re-reading my last post I realized that I needed to finish the story. I realized that I had made it sound as if The Mechanic's decision to move out of state for a better job was cause for me to flip my sh*t, when in reality that is not really the issue at all...it was simply the beginning, and the end I suppose.
It's the little things that have been adding up lately that have really gotten to me. On Christmas Eve, for example, K1 went with his dad to his great-grandma's house for the family Christmas party. Every single child there was given 2 gifts...every child except K1 that is. K1 received 1 gift...pajama pants. Because he's such a lovely boy, he waited until they were in the car on their way home to my house before he said anything. When he asked his dad why everyone got 2 presents except for him, his dad chastised him for being "greedy" rather than explaining to him that it must have been an oversight and that he should in no way feel "less than" because of it. K1 is far from greedy, but he's also 7 years old. It wasn't about greed, it was about having his feelings hurt because to him the lack of a second present meant that his great-grandma only loved him half as much as she loved her other great-grandkids. Does his father truly not understand the distinction? And does The Mechanic's grandmother truly not understand the lasting psychological damage she is doing to my child by treating him as if he doesn't matter as much as the other children in the family?
K1's grandparents take his brother every single weekend. They have him over for sleepovers, and spoil him rotten while he's there. They also take K1's little brother to have his pictures professionally done about twice a year. They take K1 for a grandparents weekend about once every other month. They have taken him to have his pictures done (with his brother of course) one time. It is made very clear to anyone who cares enough to look in who is the "favorite" grandson. I pray every single night that my son never figures it out.
As for the move....like I stated before, I do not agree with his decision to move simply because I believe that his worthless girlfriend should be doing more to help out financially. I think that she should have stuck to the original plan of going back to work when their son was 6 months old. You see...she worked at a daycare center where she is able to take her son to work with her so she truly has NO valid reason not to go back to work. I think that if she would have gone back to work as she stated she would then, even with the economy the way it is, The Mechanic would have been able to stay in state and deal with this temporary hours/pay-cut because they would have had a second income to cushion the fall. So when it comes to the move...I'm not even angry with The Mechanic, I'm angry with his girlfriend.
But why am I SO upset about it all? It's not simply about the move. It's about the fact that The Mechanic moved without so much as saying goodbye to his son. K1 spent the weekend with him about two weeks before he moved. When The Mechanic picked him up I sat down with him to discuss my feelings about the way he and his family have been treating my son lately. I explained how much it hurt K1 to feel second best all the time, to feel as if he were just an afterthought. The Mechanic's response was simply, "I don't need to explain myself to you" followed by a hasty departure with K1. When he brought him home the next day, the subject never even came up.
For two more weeks I waited to hear from him. I knew he would be leaving within the next couple of weeks, but I wasn't sure exactly when. I figured...what father would leave without at least calling his son, or stopping by on his way out of town since we're literally ON HIS WAY to California? No call ever came. No visit either. He left 1 week ago today, and K1 didn't even know he was gone until I spoke to him about it yesterday. He hasn't heard from his father in over 3 weeks.
It was K1's brother's birthday last week. Due to some facebook posts I found out (after the fact) that they all got together last weekend for a farewell/birthday party. K1 was not invited. Am I out of line for feeling absolutely disgusted about this? To not even call K1 and ask him if he would like to come up to say "goodbye" to his father and "happy birthday" to his brother...I will never, ever, ever understand that. I am horrified by their actions, and confused by their decisions. Is it a case of "out of sight, out of mind"? How CAN it be? How can you POSSIBLY just forget about your own child, your own grandchild, your own nephew?! I simply cannot wrap my head around it. I'm trying so hard to move past it, to not obsess about things I cannot change. But when it comes to your children, that is so much easier said than done!
I hate them. I have so much hate in my heart for them right now. I know that it's not healthy. I've never truly hated anyone in my life! I will get past this, I have to get past this...in time I suppose.
His grandmother facebooked me over the weekend. She wants to come pick K1 up this Saturday to spend the night with them. I so badly wanted to tell her to bugger off, but regardless of my personal feelings she IS his grandmother. So I let him decide. We already had Valentine's plans, and I had promised to take him to the new Percy Jackson movie if he finished the series before the movie came out...which he did! Pretty impressive for a 7 year old, right? Yep, that's my boy! :) Now those plans will be canceled. I will find a way to take him to the movie on Friday night instead, even if that means letting him stay up past his bedtime because HE EARNED IT dammit!
On a positive note...I spoke to LDB about the situation when I dropped K2 off on Friday night, and he is more than happy to step up to the plate. He has tried to be respectful over the past few years, knowing that if the roles were reversed he would hate it if someone else was "playing dad" to his kid. I told him how desperately K1 needs him right now though, and he is happy to start taking him regularly if I will allow it. I'll admit, when we first got divorced LDB was so filled with anger at me that I didn't trust him with K1. And then he started dating someone who had an issue with him spending time with his own child, let alone MY son so spending time with K1 was definitely not an option. Luckily things are different now. LDB has taken K1 on a few occasions over the past year, but has been very careful not to step on the toes of The Mechanic. I told him this weekend, however, that with their recent decisions and behavior The Mechanic and his family have officially given up any respect they may have ever deserved, so hopefully LDB will follow through with his promise to step up as K1's male role model. Fingers crossed!!!
Until next time, much love!
~T

Time for a Rant

This post is about two weeks in the making. I find myself getting so upset whenever I try to sit down to write it, that I simply can't get past the first few words. I'm hoping, however, that writing things down will prove cathartic for me.
K1 is not LDB's biological son. When I was 19 I got engaged to The Mechanic. He was stable, he was steady, he was a good friend, and he was crazy about me. I was never in love with him, but in UT 19 is about the "right" age to get married so I figured what the Hell. I bought the dress, I picked out invitations, I bought the centerpieces, and then I found out I was pregnant. I was more than 2 months along before I found out. I was on birth control at the time so it just never crossed my mind that all the vomiting and exhaustion could be anything more than a veeeeeeery extended stomach flu.
Things quickly turned sour between the mechanic and I. I started to realize that I was in no way ready to settle down with him...emphasis on the word settle. Friends got involved on both sides which led to enough drama that I eventually had a protective order drawn up against him. I very quickly regretted that action, but it was too late...the damage had already been done. I never heard from him again.
While I was pregnant I became good friends with a co-worker who introduced me to her fiance's best friend, LDB. We were married in April of 2003, when K1 was 11 months old. LDB was the only father K1 ever knew. When LDB and I got divorced, K1 was forced to suffer through wondering why "daddy" took K2 every weekend, but no longer wanted him. At 2 1/2 years old, it was hard on him to say the least.
About 3 years ago I received a message on Myspace from The Mechanic's little sister, wanting to know if she could see pictures of her nephew. One thing led to another, and K1 finally got to meet his father, his "step-mom", his brother, his grandparents, and his aunt. Things were great! He started spending time with his family, and we eventually got to the point where I was comfortable with him spending weekends there. He went camping with them, spent holidays with them. He finally had a DAD!
Unfortunately, the novelty has apparently worn off. Over the past year the visits have started coming less often. They are still definitely in his life, but he only sees them monthly now rather than weekly. The final blow came last month when The Mechanic informed me that he would be moving to California. Apparently his company has cut his hours, and despite the fact that his girlfriend is more than able to work he now needs to move for a new job because she refuses to do so. I was FURIOUS! While I understand the reasons behind the move, I do not agree with them. He and his girlfriend had agreed that when their son was 6 months old she would go back to work. He is now 3 and she refuses to get off her ass to even take care of her child, let alone get a job to contribute to the household. Instead, she plays computer games and chats in chat rooms all day. So now my son is losing another father. He claims that he will still come visit because his girlfriend and son are staying here, but I simply don't see him making the time for K1 even if he does come visit. I mean...he currently lives just one hour away, and still rarely makes the effort to visit his child. Now that he's moving hundreds of miles away I see his efforts coming to a halt.
K1 is the most amazing human being I have ever known. His heart is made of pure gold. He is the type of child who took it upon himself to take the entire contents of his piggy bank to donate to the Haiti relief fund because he wants to help. He is the type of person who never walks by a homeless person or a Salvation Army bell ringer without begging me for money to give to them. He is the type of boy who would take in every stray animal he comes across if only he had a mother who would allow them in her home...so instead he builds them shelters with tarps and takes food out to them so that they will stay dry and fed. He puts others above himself...he always has. He is such an incredible example, not only to his sister, but to me. He is what I strive to be more like everyday.
K1 is currently going through neurological testing. They believe he may have Asperger's Syndrome,which is an autism spectrum disorder. We spent two entire days up at Primary Children's Hospital in SLC to have him checked for seizures etc. We were 20 minutes away from his father, who knew where we were and why we were there. He never showed up. K1 desperately needs his father right now. He has already been through enough dammit! He is scared, he is confused, he is SEVEN! So why, when K1 needs him the most, is he not there?
I suppose the silver lining in all of this is that maybe it will hurt him a little less when daddy doesn't show up if it can be explained away because of distance.
Until next time, much love!
~T