Monday, February 8, 2010

Time for a Rant Part II

After re-reading my last post I realized that I needed to finish the story. I realized that I had made it sound as if The Mechanic's decision to move out of state for a better job was cause for me to flip my sh*t, when in reality that is not really the issue at was simply the beginning, and the end I suppose.
It's the little things that have been adding up lately that have really gotten to me. On Christmas Eve, for example, K1 went with his dad to his great-grandma's house for the family Christmas party. Every single child there was given 2 gifts...every child except K1 that is. K1 received 1 gift...pajama pants. Because he's such a lovely boy, he waited until they were in the car on their way home to my house before he said anything. When he asked his dad why everyone got 2 presents except for him, his dad chastised him for being "greedy" rather than explaining to him that it must have been an oversight and that he should in no way feel "less than" because of it. K1 is far from greedy, but he's also 7 years old. It wasn't about greed, it was about having his feelings hurt because to him the lack of a second present meant that his great-grandma only loved him half as much as she loved her other great-grandkids. Does his father truly not understand the distinction? And does The Mechanic's grandmother truly not understand the lasting psychological damage she is doing to my child by treating him as if he doesn't matter as much as the other children in the family?
K1's grandparents take his brother every single weekend. They have him over for sleepovers, and spoil him rotten while he's there. They also take K1's little brother to have his pictures professionally done about twice a year. They take K1 for a grandparents weekend about once every other month. They have taken him to have his pictures done (with his brother of course) one time. It is made very clear to anyone who cares enough to look in who is the "favorite" grandson. I pray every single night that my son never figures it out.
As for the I stated before, I do not agree with his decision to move simply because I believe that his worthless girlfriend should be doing more to help out financially. I think that she should have stuck to the original plan of going back to work when their son was 6 months old. You see...she worked at a daycare center where she is able to take her son to work with her so she truly has NO valid reason not to go back to work. I think that if she would have gone back to work as she stated she would then, even with the economy the way it is, The Mechanic would have been able to stay in state and deal with this temporary hours/pay-cut because they would have had a second income to cushion the fall. So when it comes to the move...I'm not even angry with The Mechanic, I'm angry with his girlfriend.
But why am I SO upset about it all? It's not simply about the move. It's about the fact that The Mechanic moved without so much as saying goodbye to his son. K1 spent the weekend with him about two weeks before he moved. When The Mechanic picked him up I sat down with him to discuss my feelings about the way he and his family have been treating my son lately. I explained how much it hurt K1 to feel second best all the time, to feel as if he were just an afterthought. The Mechanic's response was simply, "I don't need to explain myself to you" followed by a hasty departure with K1. When he brought him home the next day, the subject never even came up.
For two more weeks I waited to hear from him. I knew he would be leaving within the next couple of weeks, but I wasn't sure exactly when. I figured...what father would leave without at least calling his son, or stopping by on his way out of town since we're literally ON HIS WAY to California? No call ever came. No visit either. He left 1 week ago today, and K1 didn't even know he was gone until I spoke to him about it yesterday. He hasn't heard from his father in over 3 weeks.
It was K1's brother's birthday last week. Due to some facebook posts I found out (after the fact) that they all got together last weekend for a farewell/birthday party. K1 was not invited. Am I out of line for feeling absolutely disgusted about this? To not even call K1 and ask him if he would like to come up to say "goodbye" to his father and "happy birthday" to his brother...I will never, ever, ever understand that. I am horrified by their actions, and confused by their decisions. Is it a case of "out of sight, out of mind"? How CAN it be? How can you POSSIBLY just forget about your own child, your own grandchild, your own nephew?! I simply cannot wrap my head around it. I'm trying so hard to move past it, to not obsess about things I cannot change. But when it comes to your children, that is so much easier said than done!
I hate them. I have so much hate in my heart for them right now. I know that it's not healthy. I've never truly hated anyone in my life! I will get past this, I have to get past time I suppose.
His grandmother facebooked me over the weekend. She wants to come pick K1 up this Saturday to spend the night with them. I so badly wanted to tell her to bugger off, but regardless of my personal feelings she IS his grandmother. So I let him decide. We already had Valentine's plans, and I had promised to take him to the new Percy Jackson movie if he finished the series before the movie came out...which he did! Pretty impressive for a 7 year old, right? Yep, that's my boy! :) Now those plans will be canceled. I will find a way to take him to the movie on Friday night instead, even if that means letting him stay up past his bedtime because HE EARNED IT dammit!
On a positive note...I spoke to LDB about the situation when I dropped K2 off on Friday night, and he is more than happy to step up to the plate. He has tried to be respectful over the past few years, knowing that if the roles were reversed he would hate it if someone else was "playing dad" to his kid. I told him how desperately K1 needs him right now though, and he is happy to start taking him regularly if I will allow it. I'll admit, when we first got divorced LDB was so filled with anger at me that I didn't trust him with K1. And then he started dating someone who had an issue with him spending time with his own child, let alone MY son so spending time with K1 was definitely not an option. Luckily things are different now. LDB has taken K1 on a few occasions over the past year, but has been very careful not to step on the toes of The Mechanic. I told him this weekend, however, that with their recent decisions and behavior The Mechanic and his family have officially given up any respect they may have ever deserved, so hopefully LDB will follow through with his promise to step up as K1's male role model. Fingers crossed!!!
Until next time, much love!

1 comment:

FierySaggGirl said...

Such sad news. Let's hope LBD does step up. Hang in there.