Thursday, February 4, 2010

Time for a Rant

This post is about two weeks in the making. I find myself getting so upset whenever I try to sit down to write it, that I simply can't get past the first few words. I'm hoping, however, that writing things down will prove cathartic for me.
K1 is not LDB's biological son. When I was 19 I got engaged to The Mechanic. He was stable, he was steady, he was a good friend, and he was crazy about me. I was never in love with him, but in UT 19 is about the "right" age to get married so I figured what the Hell. I bought the dress, I picked out invitations, I bought the centerpieces, and then I found out I was pregnant. I was more than 2 months along before I found out. I was on birth control at the time so it just never crossed my mind that all the vomiting and exhaustion could be anything more than a veeeeeeery extended stomach flu.
Things quickly turned sour between the mechanic and I. I started to realize that I was in no way ready to settle down with him...emphasis on the word settle. Friends got involved on both sides which led to enough drama that I eventually had a protective order drawn up against him. I very quickly regretted that action, but it was too late...the damage had already been done. I never heard from him again.
While I was pregnant I became good friends with a co-worker who introduced me to her fiance's best friend, LDB. We were married in April of 2003, when K1 was 11 months old. LDB was the only father K1 ever knew. When LDB and I got divorced, K1 was forced to suffer through wondering why "daddy" took K2 every weekend, but no longer wanted him. At 2 1/2 years old, it was hard on him to say the least.
About 3 years ago I received a message on Myspace from The Mechanic's little sister, wanting to know if she could see pictures of her nephew. One thing led to another, and K1 finally got to meet his father, his "step-mom", his brother, his grandparents, and his aunt. Things were great! He started spending time with his family, and we eventually got to the point where I was comfortable with him spending weekends there. He went camping with them, spent holidays with them. He finally had a DAD!
Unfortunately, the novelty has apparently worn off. Over the past year the visits have started coming less often. They are still definitely in his life, but he only sees them monthly now rather than weekly. The final blow came last month when The Mechanic informed me that he would be moving to California. Apparently his company has cut his hours, and despite the fact that his girlfriend is more than able to work he now needs to move for a new job because she refuses to do so. I was FURIOUS! While I understand the reasons behind the move, I do not agree with them. He and his girlfriend had agreed that when their son was 6 months old she would go back to work. He is now 3 and she refuses to get off her ass to even take care of her child, let alone get a job to contribute to the household. Instead, she plays computer games and chats in chat rooms all day. So now my son is losing another father. He claims that he will still come visit because his girlfriend and son are staying here, but I simply don't see him making the time for K1 even if he does come visit. I mean...he currently lives just one hour away, and still rarely makes the effort to visit his child. Now that he's moving hundreds of miles away I see his efforts coming to a halt.
K1 is the most amazing human being I have ever known. His heart is made of pure gold. He is the type of child who took it upon himself to take the entire contents of his piggy bank to donate to the Haiti relief fund because he wants to help. He is the type of person who never walks by a homeless person or a Salvation Army bell ringer without begging me for money to give to them. He is the type of boy who would take in every stray animal he comes across if only he had a mother who would allow them in her instead he builds them shelters with tarps and takes food out to them so that they will stay dry and fed. He puts others above himself...he always has. He is such an incredible example, not only to his sister, but to me. He is what I strive to be more like everyday.
K1 is currently going through neurological testing. They believe he may have Asperger's Syndrome,which is an autism spectrum disorder. We spent two entire days up at Primary Children's Hospital in SLC to have him checked for seizures etc. We were 20 minutes away from his father, who knew where we were and why we were there. He never showed up. K1 desperately needs his father right now. He has already been through enough dammit! He is scared, he is confused, he is SEVEN! So why, when K1 needs him the most, is he not there?
I suppose the silver lining in all of this is that maybe it will hurt him a little less when daddy doesn't show up if it can be explained away because of distance.
Until next time, much love!


Katie said...

This made me cry. I'm so sorry your son has to go through all of this. He sounds like an amazing kid! I'll be thinking about you all and praying for a good outcome.

FierySaggGirl said...

Hey T, My heart goes out to you as you and K1 struggle with all that's going on. Seven is such a sweet age, but K1 didn't get to be such a good kid all on his own:))Hang in there.

sweetmama.heather said...

I think you're amazing and have a lot of respect for you. Much love to you too!

Anonymous said...

This has me teary-eyed, too. What a sweet boy. I'm so sorry for the frustration and heartache this causes you and him.

Mike said...

Sad to hear about your son and K1 not coming to visit which would have probably meant a lot to him.